dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
