we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The adults are the big ones right?
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