I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
