God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
