a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
ok first of all what the fuck
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
