the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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