I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
