summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.