Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero