he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.