I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
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There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
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Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.