dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
