I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
