She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
not ubering you a puppy
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
