I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You don't make any sense
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