Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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