doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
