New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm getting married
To pizza
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
