I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
