Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
