Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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