oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
