Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
