Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
