so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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