They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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