I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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