You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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