I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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