if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
