I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
