Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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