that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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