i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
