Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
COCAINE IS GR8
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
