Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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