I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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