You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
