How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
