Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
