Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
