You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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