Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
