Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
