3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Randomize
