I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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