i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I could fuck to npr.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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