If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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