he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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