Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
