I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
