yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
