Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
