it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
