he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
