i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
