2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish I could teleport
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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