i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
