i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
