I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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