I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
