we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
