This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
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She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
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My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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