Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
