that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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