Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
