I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
