the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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