So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
