i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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