I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize
