just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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